Its not good

Its all so sad when you really look at it... Neglecting the love, support, and care for the ones who really matter in life. Yes, there are times when i am not happy with myself in terms of what i do... i sit down with a glass of whisky, neat, and a cancer stick thinking about what i can do about it. I dont run away from my problems or ignore them for that matter as if they never existed. I am a fighter, i fight them... i resolve them till these differences are only in the background and later feels like they never existed.

Never thought this day would come... i can feel it in my guts that something really bad will come of it. We make choices that are many a times the wrong ones, and it is only this one helping hand that cushions us from a big disaster. Getting annoyed and anger are not the best of solutions. To be an adult you have to look beyond the obvious and i believe that is what i see in very few these days. The ability to take up the responsibility of the loved ones no matter how much they hate it. Well ofcourse, the first ammendment is going to protect you, i look back 15 years from now when they took care of us... no matter how annoying we were, "i want this for my birthday" the look in his eyes as he looks at the price tag the sleepless nights they pull so that we get what we want and now this... i am ashamed at myself for being like this... starting off to be able to make them proud and all i do is complain how annoying they can be... What about the time when i KNEW there were tough times and i harrassed them about what i want and still got away with things. Oh these flashbacks of my birthdays are killing me... what have we turned into... vicious monsters who are cold hearted and care only for ourselves.... if it werent for them we wouldnt be here in the first place... we are ungrateful, and sound condescending, and thinking they have nothing better to do but to ruin our lives... After all that we have put THEM through not what THEY have put us through cause they have not put us through anything.... YET!!!

I guess you never find out what you have lost till you actually lose it and the security that they will always be around should never be counted on... live through these days and look up in the sky and take a deep breath and smile for that has always worked for me... Goodluck!!!

Note to self!!!

This life that has been handed to us is full of problems. It took me many years to figure out a kind of life that will fit my own life styles. Quitting on problems is not the way to go. Therefore, one should take the challenges by the balls and crush them one at a time. There are times where at the end of an argument your head hurts because you have been so patient with it. The natural solution to it: Take a nap, take a drive, sit alone for a while where you can hear no one but your own self and your own heart beat. These are the ways to deal with stress... everyone goes through it. The purpose is making the right decision and a sound one not for the near future but for the future you can look back into the present and give yourself a thumbs up on the decision you had made. That is how i live my life.

Every thing happens for a reason... Not everything is under the control of humans... one has to figure out what is and what isnt under his/her control. It takes time to figure that out, but i guaruntee you a time that is well spent and a great investment for your own good...

05/15/06 - 8:17 PM

The time just passes by... There is so much going on in my head right now that it is hard to keep track of everything.... i am deciding between working my ass off for something that i really want or just relaxing and waiting for it to come to me. Given my personality i think i will end up doing the former and untill i havent spent every night working hard i will not sit still.... Therefore, it is set work hard force your way into the lifestyle you see yourself living and that is what i will do.... But lets keep it a secret shall we for others will not understand....

A thought to remember...

As he sits on his bed he thinks what is success?

The word success has different meanings to different people. Today i will discuss just a few thoughts about success. Measuring success is really difficult to do, perceiving success is even harder given there are so many choices one has in this world. Hence, the following:

• Sitting out on the side walk outside his house, this young boy thinks about what he wants to do in life. "Something that leads to a lot of money" he says as he takes a puff of his cancer stick. He looks up into the sky and thinks of all the problems he is having and successfully links all of them to lack of money. His mind is set... Success = Money+Bunglows+Cars+Swiss bank accounts+contacts in the government.

• Awaiting his results for high school, a young boy calculates his chances of success. To him success means just that moment of happiness where he is able to see the smiles on his parents face as a sign of "a job well done son"

• A young man walks down a crowded street and bumps into a blind man... He starts thinking about who is better off a man who can see the world and hates it or a man who can not see the world and only lives with a perception of the world told to him by others. This thought follows him to the result booth where he asks a question: "What is success?" Is success dependent on what others accomplish or is it dependent on what makes you happy. He further attaches his dreams to the result he got and measures success accordingly.

• A young man standing outside his house with his drink in one hand and his cancer stick in the other tries to answer the question: "Am i successful?" His question is analyzed by himself and the results generated are as follows: Two degrees, a job, investments in countries, a secure future for his family, knowledgeable about the world, a path of what he wants to do in life, and his health. "I think there is something more i am missing out" he says as he looks up into the sky...

Measuring success based on your own goals can be difficult. The goals and steps set by you to reach great heights can at times cause problems as you approach them... Happiness is where you dont take stress and repeat the mantra "I control my mind and my life and not the other way around" The results are great.... trust me.

The brother i never had

The confusion in my mind is should i be angry, happy, or scared. These are the emotions i am thinking about these days. My friend/brother is leaving shortly, i would talk to him for hours thinking he is my own brother. He would scold me and i could be stubborn in front of him.

Me: "No i dont wanna go see this movie"
Him: "Why do you always create problems?"
Me: "Cause i dont wanna see it, we are going to see the other movie and thats final."
Him: "Grrrr... FINE"
Me: "hehehehe"

I am going to miss him a lot. He is getting married in June and i have to go to visit my home town so i guess it works out but can you imagine the changes that are going to come about... I mean i wont be able to make fun of anyone or talk to anyone about how life is... and worst i wouldn't know what is going on in his life. Yeah, internet is the best thing that has ever happened to us but there is a difference between knowing that you have your brother at a 20 min drive and that you can wake him up at 5 in the morning so you guys can chill... that is our friendship... he is protective of me and sometimes i like it and other times it is annoying as hell....

I have other friends but they are all different, i mean its not the same.... i guess there is nothing i can do but hope for the best and in the end just wish him good luck and be happy for him...