WHY!!!

Why is it that whenever i am sitting here thinking that it is all over that something new just strikes my mind....

"Your father and i have less hours now. We dont know how we are going to pay our mortgage off and now i am going to the dentist and your father has an appointment with the doctor for some reason" and the one thing i used to think would make me feel better is not helping anymore... how is it that blowing smoke is ever going to help me figure out what to do and i know for a fact that the next 6 months are going to be a pain for me...

i feel helpless again i collapse down everytime i hear it cause i cant do anything about it... i dont know what to do. GOD please help me!!! its me the guy who always thought life is a great gift please restore my thoughts... please make me love getting up again in the morning... cause right now i dont want to get up. Love, your troubled child.

continuation!!!

OKAY fine is that what you wanna hear that i am wrong and you are right!! HERE "I AM WRONG AND YOU ARE RIGHT!!!! NOW END MY LIFE... OR I WILL END IT MYSELF"

I give up!!!

For 5 years i have been trying to fight you for 5 years i have tried everything... for 5 years i thought the future will be bright and for 5 years i thought i am going to live the life in peace given the amounts handled by my family at one time... i have been torn apart now i have!! the news i heard in the morning so disturbing so unstatisfying... Do not be surprised if i land in a dumpster one day with a gun in one hand and my brains in the other.... how are these 8 months going to pass by? i still ponder and after today i will for the next 8 months i feel sad, depressed anger for what i am going through and how others are ungrateful... i feel suicidal now!!! is that normal for me? no its not. Is it normal for me to take a kniffe and shove it through my heart? just to see how it feels... these are the thoughts i deal with.... a cry for help has been sent out long time ago but no one is responding.. no one comes to aide. The results will be catastrophic...

Roles have reversed

You are hiding something from me... i can smell it i can feel it... i can see how you are hiding things from me and "waiting for the right time" to tell me....

Caution: Hot!!

I am warning you i am getting edgy again... i warn you people only because i care and it has a lot to do with you guys so dont tempt me or how is it said "thou shalt not be tempted" whatever!!!! have you seen my friend by the way her name is patience. we laugh together we cry together but i have always resorted to my friend for help i just cant find her... Why? i dont know i swear i left her right here and now when i come back i cant find her...

i dont care about the world or what they have to say about me because there is one thing i have realized and thats no one is there for you... you get screwed over by everyone and anyone you know they are all in for it to benefit... it seems like your parents love you but all they want to do is TEACH you how to live your life so that they benefit from "oh my son is exactly like us" WTF!!! hands off this is my life no one tells me what to do... you are allowed to "Suggest" but do not tell me what to do cause i will rip you off from my life if you dono matter how attached i had been to you...

Life is taken seriously by me... i have realized that it was not me who changed it were the people who took me for granted and never listened changed my thinking i didnot chose this side... i didnt!!! you made me chose i am crying in my heart right now i know it i feel the pain the hurt everyday... i am hurt a wounded fox you can say and i need your company... i crave it i know itll be fine then my eyes have longed so much and my mind is sick of "handling games" and i cant FUCKING TAKE CORA OPENING HER FUCKING MOUTH AND TALK JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to see you so bad i know ill be fine then i know it i saw your pics and i felt a bit calm in my heart i need to see you i just do!!! "Please forgive me if i need you like i do, babe believe me.... " you dont know the effects you have on me i love you sweetie...i really really do!!!!

Some words for the wise

I recall every word i have said and i still stand by it:

"I love you sweetie..."

"You complete me..."

"We are two halves you and i.... you complete me"

"i can never fall for anyone else but you."

"i can only be intimate with you"

"I can kiss no other like i kiss you"

"no one can make me as happy as you do"

"i will never and can never cheat on you." But i guess trust is something you dont have in my words... think of my feelings how they shatter by hearing "I dont trust you"

How can i explain to you how much you mean to me... i close my eyes an i see your smile i open my eyes and i long to close them again... so what if we have our arguments but that is not going to change my feelings about you they have never and will never... you should know this by now... i am sorry i am sorry... if i hurt you but as you once said life is unfair sometimes a guy who is always cheerful has his off days.... but it just doesnt change the depth of this relationship it just doesnt one puts in effort and time into the relationship and the understanding too... these are all your words all your sayings why shouldnt i believe them? i believe in them and i believe in you... because the other part of me is you...

Games of the fools and kings - Not interested.

i am a simple guy with simple thoughts...