The games that you play

The games you play with my mind are the main reason i am upset. The games you play with my feelings is why i am upset. The games you play period is what makes me hesitant to expose you to the world. Being brought up in that family does not mean i act like them too... This argument or conversation has come up now and will come up again even when i am of the "age" you so ask me to be. I am ready now, so dont push me down. Dont put this on me when you are the one not ready to see what kind of a free life your son is going to witness. These are your insecurities not mine. You made it seem like i am the prick here making things up. Do you not listen to what you say or talk to people about? Loving me is not to do with feelings alone but how you handle me as an individual. To you i am never an individual i am a category: "family"

I moved out of that stupid country to be able to create my own identity.

I feel like a pet who has the need for freedom and when everyday he sees that there is life around him he is tied back to the chain, till the day that pet runs away. Am i your freaking pet????!!! answer me??? "No you are our loved son. The son we want to reach heights" confusion is what has been created in my roles. What i want is not what i get. I didnt even when i was younger. I had to snatch my will from you. I am tired of that already. My eyes are getting weaker and i am getting more tired in my struggle against this darn world. I am in need of support. I have struggled to an extent where i dont remember the dates i used to.

Now dont sit there and think i am a person seeking attention. These are valid thoughts in my head. As always i guess the only way these problems will go away "temporarily" is if i nod my head and say "yes" But where does that leave me. Where does that leave my personality? Where does that leave my respect that i get from others? Have you thought about it or are you still stuck at my son is a freaking kid.... what do you know about life anyways, i am asking from two of the people who think college life is what they see on the one minute ad of "girls gone wild" have you had a college life or were you told to come straigh back home when done with classes? oh wait what college am i talking about right? Dammit, its all my fault i should have never acted like the son who cares because now it feels like i am in the web of problems YOUR problems and YOUR insecurities that make me insecure about me. I wish i could just drown for you have not left me a credible source of my word. MY WORD MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME AND NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME???? i am pissed and i am frustrated and there is only one thing i can do about it and that is drink it off as the wise man says on my msn screen, aaahhh the birth of an alcoholic.

Understanding my happiness is no kids play. I have very simple things that keep me going. Things that i wake up to in the morning that gets me off my bed.

I thought writing this whole thing will help my mind. But i guess it is just making me dig further into my life and getting me even more pissed. I need to get some work done now. Ill probably get a bottle of my favorite whisky, lock my door, and drink up to go to sleep, since i have a problem sleeping with knowing there is something not right.