Tell me something....

Are you bored already???

Thought Connectors

Some would say that the feelings or conditions i am facing are completely normal and have a way around it. Well to all of you i say Fuck you!!! Dammit, you dont know shit about my life to judge the circumstances in the first place, i have been fucking sick and tired of people sympathizing or empathizing when all you have to do is UNDERSTAND. Sympathy and empathy has lost its real touch and now its all about words.

So words are what matter right? then fine ill make it happen but only in words. I see things from a distance so dont think i am unaware of what is going on around my surrounding, things that are done behind my back are more visible in actions than are in words. Surprisingly, i have been taking all of this really well... NOT. I have been sick to my bones making sure that everything is right around me. Oh man what would they do if one day they get up and i am not there. I have fleed the country of dependencies and now its about being independent its about being right all the time its about making decisions that would help you in the future and i have made my decisions Why can't they get that through their heads.

Heads i have broken its the mentality that is next. There are times when you really miss your country and when you know what your country is really good for you miss it even more. I had a conversation recently about this. You miss the small things you can do that make you happy and give you a sense of power.

Power hungry is what i am. I see the life around me and can't wait to be someone and be able to do something that would benefit my profession a great bit. It will still take time, but i assure you i will get through, my success is what i have been dreaming about for so many years and now that i have the chance to show myself i will do it in the best way possible. You wait and see. All the luxuries that i was deprived off will be realized by me. I have worked my ass off back and forth for this and you wait and see how well i enjoy it. These are tough times that only the loyal of all stick by you. Its a test, i guess. For me and for all of them....

A letter to the beloved

Dear........&....... ,

I wish you would understand that i don't agree with your beliefs anymore. It is quite safe to say that i have had it with you, and what you "think." Because i am sick of explaining to you every little thing and having to repeat myself knowing that you are being stubborn. I have hated stubborness and have tried very hard to get rid of your stubborness hence i have now lifted my white flag as i surrender. Dont get me wrong i dont surrender to you i surrender from my responsibility of explaining you things. You can think whatever you want to think, for now i know what was being planned for me. I was supposed to be given the pressure of life that you had faced and in that pressure i was to succumb to you and what you want of me, i cannot tolerate being shot down and discouraged and unsupported. Therefore, i say to you please let me be. Do not interfere, as i sit here tensed, i sleep in a tensed mode, i dream in a tensed mode, and i even SHIT in a tensed mode.

I feel bad that i am not able to function properly in a normal house environment. It is only because you can't provide me that normal environment. You have drained every bit of energy out of me and now i am trying to recover that energy. Fine, go ahead dont speak with me, but your ignorance astounds me, and it is my Job as your only son to tell you that.

Don't cry now. I have cried all my life, all my life. You remember the time i would lock my door and turn the deck up so loud it was only because i was crying my heart out for not having the things i want in life. It is my chance to get those things, and instead of being supportive you are pulling me down asking me to come back to my senses and stop dreaming about my luxurious life i want?????!!!!!! that is just pure ignorance to me.

Pardon me but you must have been mistaken

The Disparity of our thinking is just so apparent.

In the holy month of Ramadan i curse, scream, yell, and hope that i was never part of this family. What good can come from this?