Bitter Sorrow

Some years ago i would have bet a million dollars as to how my life will be. Today that dream is just ruined. I speak of not too long ago when i had decided how my life will turn out. And i mean realistically i had thought about everything that could have happened, but now i am to a point where i am trying too hard to keep that dream alive, be it in my head or in my heart.

"Dammit" if only my dad were rich. My or i should say our life would have been so much easier and less complicated and dramatic. I am sick of it already, i was always promised that as i will grow older things will be fine. I saw children travelling in busses get drivers with schauffers and treating there friends at nice expensive restraunts and wearing nice clothes(as there father's thought more about there family andstarted doing ), and there i was walking the same mile and catching the same bus and taking the same route every day. I was always under the hope that one day things are going to be fine, it will be okay... *sigh* it will never be okay i guess... till the end of time... and now what? I live in shadows, i live in your shadows and at your mercy that curse the day when you say one statement, my biggest fear revealed. Then what? Which state would i be in then? Just too much to worry about, must have some drinks tonight to better my sorrows. *sigh*

"You are a heavy drinker? But you are so cheerful and happy all the time" Says my collegue. I love to drink, my head hurts if i dont drink with in a week's time, its like my craving for smoke grew after a certain age. I need to rest my mind from all the problems i have, just rest and not think about anything because i have been completely burnt out... this what it feels like when one is burnt out. I am there already.